What is community? What does it mean? What does it look like? Is it coffee dates and brunches and intentional time with no distractions? Is it activities and events? Yes, it is those things, but is it more? What if it went deeper than that? Kids have it easy. Our friends are the people we do activities and school with. Community is built in for kids. But once you're an adult, to quote Olaf, "This just got a whole lot harder." Now we have competing schedules and it takes conventionality to make friends. Sure, maybe we become friends with coworkers, but not always and some of us don't have coworkers we see every day :) So what does community look like for young adults? What does it look like for singles and married couples to be friends. If we think and expect it to be coffee dates and dinners out, or going to a concert or event, then we will never have time to see friends or form relationships. What if community and friendships meant living life together? What if married couples let single friends come over, even though the house wasn't perfect? What if people went grocery shopping together? What if it didn't matter that kids might interrupt the conversation or that laundry needed to be folded while talking? What if we went back to when we were kids and did life together? It's hard to find several hours to spend with someone if you think it has to be one-on-one attention all the time. But it's much easier if you let life be life and live it alongside each other. I'm not saying this as well as I could (it is an easier conversation to have in person, ironically), but Phylicia Masonheimer just sent out a newsletter that talked about this very thing!!!! I'm going to let her explain from a married person's perspective :) Dear friends, Due to my life stage, a lot of my blog content focuses on marriage and family. But I always keep in mind my single readers, because there are plenty, and though I have dozens of blog posts on singleness still in the archive on my site (search here!) I often feel awkward discussing singleness at this point. After all, I've been in a relationship for ten years, married for eight. And singles don't always appreciate married people talking about singleness ;) But one thing I want to chat about this week is the relationship between marrieds and singles. I hear from singles that married friends move on after their vows and leave them out; I hear from marrieds that singles don't understand why their marriage relationship has to come first, or that single friends feel uncomfortable after kids are born. I've been fortunate to have absolutely stellar single friends in my life, and I thought I would compile a list of things I've noticed that seem to help these relationships work.
Ultimately I think there is a Golden Rule at play: Am I taking an interest in my single friends' lives or just in their relationship status? And do they take an interest in my life stage and kids too? Because I see this reciprocation happening regularly, I have healthy relationships with singles and am so blessed by their presence and input in my life. I consider the single and married people my girls know to be some of their greatest gifts - influences who will impact my girls for years to come, I hope in their own singleness one day. It really comes back to loving others the way Christ loves us - selflessly. When in doubt, reach out. That's something we try to live by. Try it, married or single! What do you think? How have you cultivated community in your adult life?
(And if you want to get Phylicia's newsletter to read all her good thoughts, you can sign up here! It's one of the best emails I get :)
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Hi! I'm Sarah!
I am a natural light portrait photographer. I've been taking photos since 2014 and would eat a smoothie from Tropical Smoothie Cafe for lunch everyday if I could. Thank you so much for stopping by. I blog about sessions, things I'm learning, stuff in my life, and information for YOU, my client. If you like what you see around the site, I'd love to work with you! I'd also love to connect with you on Instagram. I'm @sarah_jayne_photo :) Archives
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